The Red Door
by Stephen Wayne
Blog version, unedited, complete
with reader comments.
Ides of January, 2008.
Old Plank Road.
Prologue:

It was moon rise down on the river. On a white sand bar, a
small, smoky, driftwood fire burned slowly - keeping most of
the bugs away. A little ways from the fire, two horses were
tied to a low branch of a huge water oak hanging out over the
sand bar and the black water.

Both horses heads were down, and each had one back leg
crooked - they had been standing there awhile, sleeping. It
was the hottest night in August.

Their riders, a man and woman, were laying in each others
arms, still fully clothed, breathing hard and sweating
copiously, while a million chirping insects serenaded their
(attempted) love making in the soft sub-tropical night. They
were on a saddle blanket, but it didn't help much, she had
sand stuck to her wet red hair and also on her freckled face.

He brushed the sand away from one corner of her pouty lips
and kissed her long and slow, parting her lips with his tongue,
breathing into her mouth, touching her teeth, tasting her
tongue, and the post embedded it it... biting it softly. But she
really did not kiss him back. She held her breath for a long
time. He stopped kissing her and whispered in her ear,

"Breath Baby... I want you to breath... breath inside of me...
be inside of me..."

While saying that, he took her hand and placed it on his
pounding heart, and put his free hand between her heaving
breast, looking into her wide brown eyes for a long moment,

" I want to be inside of you, and I want you, to be inside of
me."

She went silent and still, looking up into the stars, thinking for
several seconds. It seemed like a long time to him before she
finally sighed, and said in her low, sexy, (kinda like Lauren
Bacall) voice,

"Do you now?"

I Don't know if I can tell you this story... the way it should be
told... But, I am going to do my best.

It is the happiest, saddest, most gut-wrenching story I have
ever attempted to put into words. That's how I feel about it.
Don't know what anyone else will think. Don't really care.

At this moment in my life, I really don't give a damn about
much of anything - except - Well, If you hear the story, then
you will know. If you don't want to know, then don't read the
damn thing!

Sorry! That was rude. Please forgive me.

OK, once I get started I'll settle down. Maybe my guts
will stop churning, and I wont feel like puking, and we can get
through this.

You know, I lived fifty years of my life without entering the red
door. Never had any reason to... never really wanted to. Well,
thats not exactly true. But this is a work of fiction... so it
doesn't have to be exactly true... does it? No, it don't.

Most romantic novels are fanciful lies... embellished
memories of romantic frustration and sensual lust...
and most are written by women. Don't know why that is... but
it is.

I'll let that be my disclaimer, along with the standard...

"This writing is a work of fiction. The characters in it may (or
may not) resemble real people, but they are not real people...
OK?"







(Stephen)

New Ranch Hand

I love this Cowgirl... her name is Robin...She makes me
laugh... and she works real hard... and she watches my
back... and she has coppery red hair that shimmers in the
sun and plenty of freckles... and she loves Sam... AND
Medicine Horse says I am a crazy old cowboy... YEA... so
what else is new?

I LOVE YOUS GUYS!
Wednesday February 28, 2007 - 07:18am



(Silvia)  
"Hey, crazy ol´ cowboy ... no wonder u´ve been sooooo busy!
Hi there, Robin! Keep the old man out of trouble, eh?"


(Emily B)  
"Ya can't beat that! Maybe she'll line you out."


(LADY)  
"crazy maybe but wonderful yes. lots of love romantic
cowman!"


(Marsha)
“May brooks and trees and singing hills join in the
chorus too, and every gentle wind that blows send
happiness to you.” Hi Stephen, Hi, Robin!


(Karen M)
" Aaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
That is great to have such a hard working young woman
around.
Just make sure you do what she says!
I envy her position. I wish I could be doing the same thing,
instead of being bashed by rogue cars in parking lots."


(moons)   
"Hi sweetie....good to know you have a good "crew" with
you...Hugs and loving thoughts sent to you and all who are
around you...............Blessings...moonshadow.


(Jo)
"I am glad you have some help...miss you and hope all
is well in your part of the world. Love to you..."


(Message From Robin)

"Hey Ya'll, I'm alive and well in Bryceville. Thanks for all the
prays. I'm tring to keep Steve walking a straight line. Hey but
it's hard work, I should be paid double. HA!HA! YA! HAVE A
GREAT DAY LOVE YA LOTS Robin Denise"
Monday March 26, 2007 - 04:49pm

(Silvia)  
"Hey, Robin, I´m sure it is haaaaaaard work ...get your own
blogging thingy going ~wink~ and tell us all about it ... see
ya."


(Marsha)  
"Hey Ranch Hand Robin...glad to see you're still kickin'!
~hugs~"


(Stephen)

Long Painful Night

Two hospital emergency rooms... Macclenny, and then
Jacksonville Florida.  Ten hours... Robin had four seizures....
The last one was very bad... she flat lined for a few seconds
after the fourth one... but, her heart rate started back to
normal... I was very scared.

Her Father and a good friend are with her now. I am going to
take a shower... pray... and sleep for awhile... before I go
back.

Robin is very sick. Pray for her... Please...

I LOVE YOUS GUYS!
Thursday March 29, 2007 - 10:59am

(Karen M)
" You, and of course Robin and her family, are in my
thoughts.
I'm sending lots of love your way.
If you need to talk, call."


(Silvia)
" ...oh, Stephen... so sorry ... of course all our prayers are
with you, Robin and her family ... in spirit, in heart, with
words, I´m here for you - any time, day or night!"


(Emily B)
"You, Robin, her family are in my thoughts and prayers."


(JustBe)
" i'll say a little prayer for Robin, her family and you my friend
>:D<"


(mel)
"as will I,May the Good Lord shower you with blessings on
this day!"











(Heidi)
"I dont have alot of pull with the big guy, but I will send as
much healing Karma as I can muster for you.You also take
care of yourself Dear, your not made of Iron. Thoughts and
prayers sre with you."


(Shali)
"Sending thouhgts and prayers to you all, have the
candle lit to let the light shine your way"


(Cookie)
"Many Blessings Dear One!"


(Jo)
"Dearest Stephen...I lift you and Robin up in prayer that
everything be done in his will. I pray for your strength and
hers. I pray for your peace and hers. May you be comforted
and if you ever need me...you know where I am. Love you"


(♥¸¸.•…)  
"much prayers and love your way my old friend and to Robin
and her family also.....i am sorry i haven't been round more...
seems i am left out of the loop being on da rez in
Montana..in the winter even...you take care and please know
you got friends all round the world..blessings and love NENA
CANDYEYEZ"


(*****…)
"Many Many prayers being sent your way, I am an angel
sister of Nena's, May the Creator hold both of you in his
embrace."


(.....)   
"you are both in my prayers. sending you healing love and
light from our family to yours.
love chali
(one of nenas girls)
HUG"


(LisaM…)
"My prayers are with you, Robin and her family. Much love
and many blessings! (Nena's friend)"


(Livin…)
"Prayers to you and Robin~ family~ You will remain in my
thoughts and I will send much positive energy and healing
her way. (Nena's friend)"


(unarm…)
"Sending prayers your way for Robin, her family and you. I
am also a friend of Nena's."


(The n…)
"My thoughts and prayers to you. Hope all becomes well with
you and your family."


(spoiled)
"stephen my fishing buddy...prayers and many blessing sent
to you and to robin and her family...hugs and much love
always to you dear mes ami!"









(Susan…)
"Sent here via Michele, I don't know who these people are,
but I can tell Robin is special to you.
I have already said a prayer, and will remember you again
when I go to sleep tonight! God Bless."


(seekt…)
"I will have you all in my prayer's . God bless you . Hug's ."


(Marsha)
"So sorry to hear Robin isn't well, Stephen. My daughter has
been treated for seizure disorders for 6 years and will for the
rest of her life, so I'm rather informed about it. So, if
you need me, holler. I will be sending up prayers and good
thoughts on behalf of you all. ~hugs~"







(Stephen)

Blessings Of Rain


"When it rains it pours" Sure you have all heard
that... Seems to be true around here.

Becki, the 21 year old owner of this property that I lease for
my horses, was admitted to the hospital yesterday. She had
gallbladder surgery a few months ago... But now she is
having some complications that need to be taken care of. I
saw her last night and she is a little upset about having to go
back in, but otherwise doing fine. She is young and strong.
Think she'll do fine.

Robin is home with her Father, as of last night, but she is a
long way from being well, and has an appointment with
a new neurologist on Tuesday. Her seizures are under
control for now... we hope.

Twiggy, black quarter horse mare, pregnant by Medicine
Man, is limping a little. She has some muscle strain in her
right rump... but all she needs is some light workouts and
some good rub downs.

I am fine... Actually feel like a million bucks... just need to
make some more buck$... to take better care of all the sick
ladies around this place.

Seriously... I really appreciate all yous guys praying for
us... It works... and I'm working on all the problems...LOL...
so everything should be great soon.

I LOVE YOUS GUYS!
Saturday March 31, 2007 - 08:23am



(~*♥ S…)
"I will keep all of ya'll in my prayers....may God be with ya'll...
take care and God bless and hopefully everyone will be up
and around in no time."


(Karen M)
"It's good to hear positive news, Stephen.
You just make sure you keep in top shape.
Still thinking about you......."


(Shali…)
"Continued prayers and good thoughts your way, candle is
always lit for all that may need the light for guidance, God
Bless"


(Silvia)
" ... Thank goodness, Robin is feeling a little better! ... sorry
to here about your mare, but I´m sure that can be sorted ...
We´ll include you all in our prayers. And given Robin and her
dad all our best wishes ..."


(dararie)
"sorry to hear that things in your little section of the world are
in disarray. i hope and pray that all will return to
normal soon. God bless"


(Cookie)
"Expect a miracle!"


(Alan W.)
"My prayers are with you and yours. Sorry i'm not a
big talker, just ask Nena!lol"


(♥¸¸.•…)
"kicking in da door..NENAS BACK with love and friends...
TAKE IT EASY HUN..be well be happy and see ya round
more k...LOVE AND HUGZTIGHT NENITA..your always in my
prayers...medicine horse too..glad to see u still got him"


(Heidi)
"Hugs ya..and we luvs ya too.....Its hard not to when
you care so much about others hon...Have a blessed day....
enjoy it...."


(Emily B)
"Those ladies are blessed to have you. So are we. Take care
of yourself, too. We will keep you all in our thoughts as longs
as it takes."


(Stephen)

Message From Medicine Horse

"The simplicity of the formula for life, is astounding... when
you consider the complex diversity that it has propagated..."

I LOVE YOUS GUYS>>> ALL YOUS GUYS!"
Sunday April 8, 2007 - 09:16am

(Karen)
"One of my favorite sayings is: "KISS".
(Keep It Simple, Stupid!)
You don't have to complicate anything to make it worth
something."


(LADY …)
"how smart and wise medicine horse is, and you are a dear
friend, all I have to give is love as God itself is love."


(Stephen)

Robin My Friend

Robin is in Shans hospital in an ICU unit... She drove a
friends SUV off county road 121 into the pine trees.

The truck is totaled, and Robin is in critical condition... as of
last night she has not been conscious for 24 hours.

She has broken ribs, a collapsed lung, and serious head
trauma and multiple cuts and abrasions. One very nasty cut
across the bridge of her nose.

Amazingly, she crawled out of the truck, made it back to the
road, and a passing motorist brought her here to the ranch...
she was talking and asking for her Daddy, before she went
into seizure and passed out.

It is breaking my heart to see her suffer like this... Please
pray...

I LOVE YOUS GUYS!
Tuesday May 29, 2007 - 07:27am (EDT)

(Silvia)
"Oh, poor Robin! ... Always praying for you and her, my dear
friend ... I´m doing intensive endurance on praying these
days anyhow ... Hugs & good wishes. xxx"


(Sam)
"So sorry my friend. You are both in my thoughts. Put it all in
God's hands, he takes care of everything."


(Emily B)
"Poor Robin. Of course, you'll all have my prayers, for
as long as you need them. Love ya"


(Karen M)
"Oh dear!
I am thinking or her, and everyone around her who is worried
and affected by this event.
I wish things will turn out with blessings aplenty for all."


(dararie)
"My thought and prayers are with you all and Robin. God
bless her through this tragedy and may those around her
stay strong"


(Shali…)  
"Lighting a candle to send blessings to Robin and you, will
burn some sage in her behalf, keep forever strong, Love ya"


(Champ)
"My thoughts and prayers to you both and to your families...
stay strong, my friend!"


(Stephen)
"Robin is still in critical ICU... she cannot talk on phone but
can receive visitors today...I am going to see her as soon as
possible...will keep you guys posted...thanks...all of you...
Stephen"
Tuesday May 29, 2007 - 01:04pm

(Jo)
"I pray all will be well Stephen. Send you and her love and
prayers."


(* …)
"prayers going up uP UP on sweetgrass & lavender
sage.........
Hugs (((YOU)))"


(Stephen)

Robin is still unconscious and still in critical condition.

Thanks for all your prayers.

I LOVE YOUS GUYS!
Tuesday May 29, 2007 - 10:00pm

(Marsha)
"Did you get to go to the hospital to see her? Keep me
posted...I'll be more than happy to help in whatever way
necessary...just gimme a shout. ~hugs~"


(Karen M)
"I don't know what else to say, except I'm hoping for the best.

HUGS!"


(* …)  
" ((((((((((((((( HUGS ))))))))))))))))))))

blessings, prayers & love........"


(Silvia) "
... what can we do but keep praying, praying, hoping, hoping
...xxx


(Stephen)

Not Smart At All;

I really screwed up Sunday night. I really let Robin down. I
was supposed to protect her... even from her self... if need
be... because I do love her very much.

She was scheduled to go into the hospital on June 4th for 14
days. Her doctors want to do a battery of test under
controlled conditions to determine how to treat her for the
seizures. She was not supposed to be drinking any alcohol.

But Robin is a 37 year old stubborn redheaded woman who
does what she wants, when she wants too... most of the time.

I confiscated a bottle of tequila she had Sunday night... and
made sure she didn't drink anymore of it... she had already
had too much. I took the car keys away from her and told her
she was not going to drive anywhere... she was not going to
kill herself... or anyone else... not on my watch baby.

She laughed in my face... then told me exactly what she
thought of me... which wasn't much at that time... Then she
promised me she wasn't going anywhere... just up to the
ranch house to make a phone call.

I made her get out of the car. She cussed me the best I've
ever been cussed and started whacking me on the chest...
wanting to fight. I stopped her, and told her that Noah (a 26
year old inexperienced kid) could drive her up to the ranch
house.

That was my big mistake.

When they got to the ranch house, She convinced Noah that
she was going to drive across the pasture to her daddy's
house... and sleep it off. He gave her the keys back.

I watched helplessly from the bunkhouse porch, as she
hauled ass down the lane... turned south on 121 and floored
it. She only went about four miles before she wrecked.

I am not a wise guy... I should never have let those
keys leave my pocket... once I had them.

Like I've told you guys many times... My horse is
smarter than me.

I know that I cannot control Robin... or dictate her life...
I don't want too. But, I should have kept her off the road that
night.

Dear God... let her live!
Wednesday May 30, 2007 - 07:07am

(Emily B)
"No, honey, "Dear God, do what you think is best. . ." in the
great plan of things there was a reason that each event
transpired. Pray for peace, for understanding. Pray for God's
Will. So will I . . ."


(Silvia)
"DOn´t blame yourself, Stephen! Please don´t ... You did
your best to keep her out of trouble that night ... We are all
our fortune´s or misfortune´s captains in the end - the rest is
left to God and fate... Pray God think´s sutbborn, li´l Robin´s
time isn´t at all up yet. We´ll all pray with you! ... And no
repeat (100 times or more, if needed): THIS IS NOT YOUR
FAULT!"


(Marsha)
"They're right, Stephen...you really can't control another
person's actions completely. You can only do the best you
could and you did...what she did was ultimately her
decision...drunk or sober. I'll see you around 11:15 or
thereabouts. ~hugs~"


(Karen M)
"Sheesh! All of these wonderful people have already said
what I wanted to say.
We learn, as family members of alcoholics, that we need to
let the alcoholic take responsibility for themself, and to deal
with the consequences of their faulty decisions - even if that
means they are playing roulette with their life.
It isn't an easy road to travel - having a loved one who is
addicted to the bottle - but it is possible by doing
exactly what you are doing, and sharing the innermost
thoughts, and unwarranted guilt that we may feel when we
do the best we can in any given situation involving our loved
one's drinking.
You aren't responsible for Robin's actions in taking control of
that vehicle. And even Noah isn't responsible for her doing
that, although he didn't have to give her the keys. ROBIN is.
That doesn't mean that everyone can't be there for her, to
support her in her time of healing and self-pity in the
aftermath of her choice. In fact, if she knows that there are
people who love her, and want to see her better, she may
finally get the idea that drinking isn't what she needs to do,
and then want to get the help she needs - by way of going
through a treatment program, and joining AA.

My heart goes out to you all in this time. I'm sending all the
love and positive thoughts I can.
You know you can call me anytime you want, too."


(Heidi)
"Please don't blame yourself...
My fiance passed on his motorcycle, on a trip which I was
supposed to be with him, but changed my plans, to pull
another shift at work, he went alone...he wasnt drunk, he
wasnt tired...the accident was alot like Robins, he went
off the interstate, and into a grove of pines....he was killed
instantly..
Robin....is still with you....John never made it to a hospital...
I blamed myself for years Hon...Its one of the
biggest reasons I dont get tangled up again. I couldnt have
loved anyone more..we were due to be married in 3 months...
Ive not told anyone how he passed in years...prefer to forget
that...but when you mentioned Robins accident...
brought that back...
You cant change what has happened Stephen, The choice
was hers always, not once yours, even those you love, you
must let go of to make their own way. She is in God's hand's
now, and he is hearing how much you love her, and how
many friends she has..."

(Currdr)
"I followed you down to here and now see how it started and
you didn't do anything wrong; you tried to stop it from
happening and the other kid is at fault. Was she trying to kill
herself? I'll follow the seizures back further and try to find out
about them and according to what they're from I know all
about them having been an epileptic till 14 or 19[ don't
ask it's a long and unhappy story ] My life would have been
totally different if I had known about the age 14 one which I
didn't until age 24. I am glad that God was with her and you
and she is progressing very well; I remember how upset you
were with the foal that had died so early in life and you never
would have forgiven yourself if Robin hadn't made it. Maybe
that's why He gave her the miracle so He could save two
lives that would have been lost otherwise. God Bless You
and Robin. Barry

«·´¨*·.¸¸(¯`·._ANGEL POSSE_.·´¯)¸¸.·*¨`·»







(Stephen)

Recovery

After more than forty eight hours, Robin is awake...

She has a long hard road to recovery... mentally, physically,
and spiritually...

I believe she will make it...

Without exception... without condition... accepting all things
as they truly are... I love her... no matter what her future my
be...

Thanks you guys... all of you... from my heart...

Marsha... you are a true friend and a gracious lady... Your
kindness, and generosity, I will always remember.

Now I am going to sleep... Tomorrow will be a beautiful day...
If the Spirit is willing, I am happy to live it.

I LOVE YOUS GUYS!
Wednesday May 30, 2007 - 08:58pm



(Marsha)
"Always willing to help my friends, Stephen...if you need me,
just holler. Looks like the little cowgirl is on the mend and
that's great news...next time, we'll wrestle her down and
hogtie her...she might kick both our butts...I know how feisty
a mad woman can get (adjusting my halo and smiling
innocently).. lol."


(Heidi)
"Im so glad to hear....amen Hon...sweetest of dreams..and
may tomorrow be a happy one..."


(Emily B)
"Good news! Sending more prayers her way for help in her
recovery. Love ya, Emily"


(Karen M)
"It's good she is awake. I am happy for her, and for
those who love her.
Now her healing begins, and it will take everything she has,
as well as lots of support from her family and friends.
Love and hugs for you and her.
Karen"





(Cookie)
"Hugs, Darlin'...M-"


(BEC)
"Oh Stephen I am so sorry to hear what happened to Robin
but I thank God she is recovering. I haven't been on for a few
days so I am sorry that I wasn't in on the prayer line but will
start tonite and beg the Lord to let her be fine and help her
with siezures also. Love ya all and hope things get better for
you both. Holler if ya need any more help hogtying that
redhead next time. Love Bec"



(Stephen)

Recovery Slow

Not long ago I picked a handful of these little purple flowers
while riding the fence line. I made a bouquet of them with a
couple sprigs of red top sage (sweet grass) and took them to
Robin.

Purple is her favorite color and the red sage reminds me of
her hair and freckles... I mentioned this as I handed her the
bunch I'd picked.

She smiled real big as I gave them to her and said...

"Pretty weeds and nice words ain't love... Mr Hampton."

But she kissed me anyway...

I told her...

"Well Robin Dense... maybe someday you will explain to me
what love is... maybe I don't really know."

Physically Robin is healing rather well... except
she struggles with an upper respiratory infection. She sleeps
a lot. When she is awake, she is confused and disoriented,
and her memory is not good.

A nurse is with her at all times.

When I visited her yesterday, with her Daddy, she did not
really recognise me. She was very depressed and crying...
asking to go home.

Ben left the room for a moment and Robin looked at me and
said...

"Do you know where my Daddy lives... Will you take me
home... please..."

I want to take her home... I want her to be there on the front
porch of her Daddy's house in the mornings... to tease me
about my weeds and words... I just want to hear her laugh
and see her smile... God... I don't think I want too much...
But, I know it will be awhile...

I LOVE YOUS GUYS!

Saturday June 2, 2007 - 03:01pm


(Karen M)
"I'm sending my love to you, Dear Stephen. And to Robin of
course.
What a wonderful thought - giving Robin those flowers.
(I love sweetgrass. We used to pick it ourselves where we
used to live.)"


(Welco…)
"Hang in there Stephen. Am offering up love and prayers for
you and Robin and her family."


(Heidi)
"Wanting your close friend back...is nothing unaskable...I
believe you will get what you ask for Hon...I have to...for her,
and also for you..:)) Robin is in my thoughts daily, and
you as well.....when Im walking the back 40, I think of you
two....Hugs for you both...."


(Phoen)
"Much love and prayers to you and your close friend Robin.
I'm sad to hear of your pain but with everyone's prayers, she
will pull through. It is a blessing that she has a friend
like you. Even in her worst times you love her and are there
for her unconditionally.

Slow recovery, but it's a true blessing she is still ticking and
here. Much Love to you Stephen."


(Shali…)
"Slow recovery can be nervewreaking on everybody, but the
Angels know what is best for her, it will not be long before
she will be on the front porch teasing amd laughing with you
again.....will burn some sage for you and her family"


(Emily B)
"I was just wondering about your Robin. I'm glad you gave us
an update. Hang in there. . . slow but steady Robin will get
home. Love, Emily"


(Stephen)

A Good Honest Harlot

"A good honest harlot... one who actually enjoys their work,
and goes about it with a pleasant tenderness of heart and
soul... is ten times more desirable a human being... than any
fake "lady or gentleman".

Tempting, teasing, and tormenting people, while denying
them the fulfilment of natural affection, is a very dangerous
business. Those who engage in such behavior are not lady
like or gentlemanly... not in the least. Truth be known, such
people actually despise everyone they ever pretended to
love... including themselves.

No good honest harlot would do such a thing.

I know this because... had I not been born a cowboy... I
would probably be one... a good honest harlot."

Captain of the Southern Witch.

I LOVE YOUS GUYS!
Wednesday June 13, 2007 - 07:29am


(Karen M)
"Hi Sweetheart
What a wonderful statement of truth! You have
such amazing insight to things.
The dogs look wonderful. I'd love to be there patting their
heads, and scratching behind their ears. I'd probably even
give the Cowboy a little pat, too, once he took the cigarette
out of the way.
Love you, too!"


(Cookie)
"Baby...you've gone to the dogs in that pic. Good looking
friends you have there."


(Emily B)
"oh, to be a good honest harlot . . . Love ya!"


(Marsha)
"Bravo...an honest person is worth more than their weight in
gold."


(Stephen)

"The Sun Also Rises"... sometimes I cannot...

Thank you my dear,

"The sun also rises"

But there are times like these...
When a man can not, will not...
Rise to any occasion...
Then He must ask himself this question...
Although I am still a man...
Am I a man who can live like this...
With the loss of manly strength...
In a world that belongs to the strong...
Where lovers find love and fulfilment...
"Where the sun also rises"

(at least I can still write about it... with out screwin up...
sometimes)

Women, I think... for the most part, do not have this problem,
and can not relate.
But women like you... are understanding, and loving...
and so good men, who would otherwise be lost, choose to
live on with the daily waining of manly strength... and the
slow death of physical manhood.
Keep writing love... at times, it is all there is to do.
I love you Deb...
I am yours,
Stephen


(Deb)ღஜწ
* ♥ *წஜღ wrote:


"> ♥♥♥
> ♥♥
> ♥
> the heart
> that is the
> original truth
> to show who and why
> i am
> drink the nectar
> of faith
> that is spirit
> find the happiness
> that dwells within
> you may shoot
> me with your words
> you may cut
> me with your eyes
> you may kill
> me with your
> hatefulness
> but still
> like air
> I'll rise
> when i keep
> my head cool
> my heart calm
> my voice kind
> it does not matter
> what path i choose
> to take
> it does matter
> that the path
> is something
> i as an individual
> believe
> is appropriate
> which
> causes me
> like air
> to rise
>
> ♥♥♥
> ♥♥
> ♥"
(poem by Deb. My Hawaiian friend)

I LOVE YOUS GUYS!
Friday June 22, 2007 - 07:35am

(LADY …)
"LIKE TINA TUNER ONCE SAID WHAT LOVE HAS TO
DO IT. LONG TIME I LEARN THAT LOVE AND SEX ARE
TWO SEPARATED THINGS, THERE ARE SEX WITHOUT
LOVE AND LOVE WITHOUT SEX. PEOPLE OFTEN
CONFUSES MEN SPECIALLY, THE DO IT FOR PRIDE,
THEY THINK SEX MADE THE MAN, BUT IT TAKES MORE
THAN SEX TO BE A MAN. LOTS OF LOVE"



(Night…)
"Beautiful, thank you for sharing those words"


(Marsha)
"I can always count on you to speak the words that others
feel, but fear to voice. Love ya'... hope your weekend is good.
~hugz~"


(Karen M)
"When I had my uterus and ovaries removed because of
cancer, I felt like "less of a woman", even though I still had 7
children. So, I believe there are some who can, and do,
understand.
As your friend, I love you despite your infirmities, whether
they be of heart, mind, body, or will. I love you for who you
are."


(Heidi)
"Some women can relate...just so ya know Hon...lol Not
because they are special, just because some feel more like a
man, when it comes to understanding...
Hugs YOU......be well..."


(Currdr)
"When I was with my lady of last year for the 5 days we were
together I couldn't and who knows what would have
happened if I could have. She's happy with her
husband who changed and I'm very happy with Jackie who
changed. After the 5 days were over she said that she
thought I couldn't becuase I was still in love with Jackie and I
said no but who really knows; maybe it was just God's way of
saying we were with the right people to begin with so why
cause something to happen that could change it. At least I
treated her like I promised I would treat her and she knew
she was beautiful when she left here and when she told him
how I treated her he changed. Take care my friend.

Barry



(Stephen)

The Red Door... continued...


A lovers tale for;

Robin Denise


Prologue:

It was moon rise down on the river. On a white sand bar, a
small, smoky, driftwood fire burned slowly - keeping most of
the bugs away. A little ways from the fire, two horses were
tied to a low branch of a huge water oak hanging out over the
sand bar and the black water.

Both horses heads were down, and each had one back leg
crooked - they had been standing there awhile, sleeping. It
was the hottest night in August.

Their riders, a man and woman, were laying in each others
arms, still fully clothed, breathing hard and sweating
copiously, while a million chirping insects serenaded their
(attempted) love making in the soft sub-tropical night. They
were on a saddle blanket, but it didn't help much, she had
sand stuck to her wet red hair and also on her freckled face.

He brushed the sand away from one corner of her pouty lips
and kissed her long and slow, parting her lips with his tongue,
breathing into her mouth, touching her teeth, tasting her
tongue, and the post embedded it it... biting it softly. But she
really did not kiss him back. She held her breath for a long
time. He stopped kissing her and whispered in her ear,

"Breath Baby... I want you to breath... breath inside of me...
be inside of me..."

While saying that, he took her hand and placed it on his
pounding heart, and put his free hand between her heaving
breast, looking into her wide brown eyes for a long moment,

" I want to be inside of you, and I want you, to be inside of
me."

She went silent and still, looking up into the stars, thinking for
several seconds. It seemed like a long time to him before she
finally sighed, and said in her low, sexy, (kinda like Lauren
Bacall) voice,

"Do you now?"

I Don't know if I can tell you this story... the way it should be
told... But, I am going to do my best.

It is the happiest, saddest, most gut-wrenching story I have
ever attempted to put into words. That's how I feel about it.
Don't know what anyone else will think. Don't really care.

At this moment in my life, I really don't give a damn about
much of anything - except - Well, If you hear the story, then
you will know. If you don't want to know, then don't read the
damn thing!

Sorry! That was rude. Please forgive me.

OK, once I get started I'll settle down. Maybe my guts
will stop churning, and I wont feel like puking, and we can get
through this together.

You know, I lived fifty years of my life without entering the red
door. Never had any reason to... never really wanted to. Well,
thats not exactly true. But this is a work of fiction... so it
doesn't have to be exactly true... does it? No, it don't.

Most romantic novels are fanciful lies... embellished
memories of romantic frustration and sensual lust...
and most are written by women. Don't know why that is... but
it is.

I'll let that be my disclaimer, along with the standard...

"This writing is a work of fiction. The characters in it may (or
may not) resemble real people, but they are not real people...
OK?"

She suddenly rolled over on top of him and pinned his
arms in the sand.

"Stupid boy"

She smiled when she said that, and it sounded sexy, but she
meant it... he could see everything in her soul... even in that
dim firelight reflected in her eyes.

"Don't move"

She demanded, and he obeyed. He lay there and watched
with wanting fascination as she stood over him and stripped.
Her body was beautiful above him. An angel demon in the
smokey starlight and flickering flames. He wanted her more
than he'd ever wanted any woman... at that moment.

Sweat and sand rained down on him as she took off
everything... tossing each piece aside... except for her
panties... she dropped them on his face... laughing softly.

He blew her sheer, musky thong off his nose... grinning like a
kid getting away with something... and began to unbutton his
shirt...

"Hey ass whole!"

She yelled, giggling and screaming like a banshee, as she
pinned him again, with her wet thighs round his belly,
grabbing his hands...

"I told you not to move"

She laughed way down in her throat.

He relaxed as she quickly undid his shirt and belt, jumped up
and snatched off his boots and jeans, and was back on him
again like a determined wrestler, breathing hard and sweating
profusely.

Then she took a deep calming breath, looked long and hard
into his eyes, and spoke in her most serious (you
better listen, you idiot) voice...

"Tomorrow... This never happened!... I don't... DO MEN!...
You got that... SLICK!?"

He said nothing. He reached up with both hands, slipped his
fingers into her wet, sandy, coppery hair, and pulled her face
down hard against his face. He groaned into her lips, kissing
her like he was going under a huge crushing, killer wave that
would never let him come up again... "never again ass
whole"... he was aching in his chest. Part of him wanted to
struggle to the surface...to breath deep and live...some other
(crazy, sick) part wanted him to die right there in her wet
sticky, sandy arms.

This time she kissed him back. He could feel her body
trembling and her heart pounding against his chest... in one
eternal, supper sensual moment... he was inside of her... and
she was inside of him.

She could hear his voice calling her name over and over
again...Rene, Rene, Rene... it sounded faint and distant and
full of fear... she wanted to answer but she could not... her
body, and soul, was ridged with cold, icy fire... drifting away
into absolute darkness. There was a bitter, metallic taste in
her mouth... she could feel the bubbles of saliva
gurgling from her lips.... she was nauseated to the core of
her being... death like pain settled into the marrow of her
bones... she wasn't dead... but she flirted with death... she
flat-lined... hideous laughter echoed inside her head... her
own voice mocked her...

"Oh my God... I'm cumming... and dying... and having a
fucking seizure!"

To be continued:

(10/11/2007; Mid morning.)

"Most romantic novels are fanciful lies... embellished
memories of romantic frustration and (man-frustrated)
sensual lust... and most are written by women. Don't know
why that is... but it is. "

Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! You are so frigging FUCKING
WRONG!

"Baby! ... BABY! ... That is such an ugly word... to be coming
from such a beautiful mouth."

Fuck you... What the hell do you know? Ever have a fucking
seizure? NO... HELL NO! And you don't know SHIT about a
woman's orgasm either... believe me Slick... you don't.

"SO... I'm wrong... OK... Why don't you teach me?"

HA! HA! HA! You just don't get it... do you? Shit no... You'll
never get it... Why would I want too... I don't need
you... OK... WHY DON"T YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK
ALONE??? I don't FUCKING WANT NEED LOVE YOU!

"I love you, you lying little bitch... if you don't want, need, or
love, me... why do you keep coming over here.... and why do
you get so damn wet between the legs when I touch you -
anywhere? Can you at least explain that?"

(Groaning... head in hands... groaning... as only a frustrated
woman can groan... Then, a calm, quite, rational sounding
voice)

OK... I love you... so what? What does that crap mean? I love
you... it don't mean shit... it didn't happen... it won't happen
again.

(Grunt...insensitive, sarcastic, neanderthal grunt... as only a
man can grunt)

"You are right... My sweet, hot, sexy lover... My heart-friend...
What did not happen... can not happen again."

She was up and out the door in a blurring flash... slamming
the door so hard that a bunch of crap hit the floor... a picture
of her in shattered glass... busted by a heavy box of rifle
shells from the wall gun rack... the damn rifle even moved...
but didn't fall. Now, HE was pissed. On the porch, watching
her swishing her lovely ass down the sand road... He yelled
loud enough for all the neighbors to hear...

"I LOVE YOU BITCH!"

She flung both hands up in the air... touch down... flipping
him a double birdy without turning or missing a step...
swishing her pretty ass through the pecan grove to her
Daddy's house... disappearing inside... and slamming that
door too...

He stood on his porch for a while... looking at the
closed door across the way... he knew she wouldn't come
back out... not for a while anyway... but he wanted her to...
crazy huh? Well, maybe not... after all... wasn't his life just
so damn rutty, rotten boring... before she came to live next
door.

Wait just a damn minute now... What the hell happened at
the river that night when Rene went from sensational orgasm
into near death seizure? Well, I'm getting around to that...
please be patient. I want this to be right.

I don't want to screw this up... I really want you to
understand... really understand... I want this to get inside
your guts they way it's gotten inside My guts... I want you to
feel it... not just read it... if that makes any sense to you?

But right now I got to take a break... This is a lot of work...
and I am kinda lazy... There are more than thirty Canadian
geese out on the pond... can hear them honking up
a storm... having a blast in Florida... here for the winter...

"Sweet summer time is over... wild geese are flying round...
we don't do much living... in the cold, cold ground."

One more thing... then I'm outta here... at least until
tomorrow. Just a little question for yous guys...
especially you silent men... Why are you scarred shit-less? I
know... I know... you
ain't scared of nothing... right. OK... so jump right in
here and tell us how you feel... (we don't give a shit how you
think)... not right now... we already know that...at least I do...
I'm a man. So... I do solemnly swear... man to man... This
ain't gonna be a romance novel from hell... not if I can help
it... it ain't gonna be the mother of all sex-sick romantic
comedies. Forget the flipping logic... just give us the
emotions... if you got any left...





OK... now I'm gonna stroll around the pond and harass the
frigging Canadians - the dogs love to chase their silly asses -
it don't hurt them at all - they just fly around in a big circle -
honking stupid geese profanities. They always come back...
and why the hell do I keep coming back to the red door?
Lust, love, passion, sex, addictive death,
emotional starvation, mortal fear? Who really knows for sure?
Right now, your emotions are just as good (maybe even
better) than mine... so dump the logic... Please!

I'll be back... latter... LOVE:)

To be continued:

(10/11/2007; Late night.)

"He wanted her more than he'd ever wanted any woman... at
that moment."

I have been thinking about that line all afternoon...honestly.
Sounds trite... kinda cliché'... almost stereotypical. Almost,
but not quite. Why add, "at that moment" ? This qualifies the
statement, of course, to a specific moment in time. Is this
honest overkill? Too much truth? If he had said that to her,
how would he have worded it? Something on this order
perhaps;

"I want you, right now, more than I have ever wanted any
woman."

Would she have laughed in his face? Maybe... maybe not.

Actually, you can read that line (or one very similar) in most
every romance novel ever written.

Consider this version;

"I want you Scarlett, more than I have ever wanted any
woman."

--- Rhett Butler, speaking to Scarlett... after the death of her
second husband. Margret Mitchell's "Gone With The Wind".

Or, how about this... more wordy, but same meaning...

"... and the lips he so desperately wanted to kiss, and had for
almost four years.... the same lips brushed his cheek as he
congratulated her again, and for an instant, just an instant, he
felt her hold him close, and it almost took his breath away."

---Harry's thoughts, and gut feelings, at Tan's graduation.
"Full Circle" Danielle Steel. Incidentally... Harry never did
make love to Tan. Every man (most every man) who ever
reads that book will think (or feel in his guts), that was as big
mistake... Danielle... Honey.

Or one of My favorite...

"Toward morning, he raised himself slightly and said, looking
straight into her eyes, 'This is why I'm here on this planet, at
this time, Francesca. Not to travel or make pictures, but to
love you. I know that now. I have been falling from the rim
of a great, high place, somewhere back in time, for many
more years than I have lived in this life. And for all those
years, I have been falling toward you'."

---Kincaid, after making love to Francesca all night long
in her bed room... in that little farm house in Iowa... while the
moths fluttered on the screens, eager to reach the flames...
and the green corn grew full and ripe in the hot
August night. "The bridges of Madison County" Robert
James Waller.

OK... So... whats My point? Actually I have many, but will
only make one...maybe two... because its late as hell and I
got to get My tired lonely ass to bed.

Is there one educated neanderthal on this planet who hasn't
read, or heard that line... and used it? What ever works...
right! But why does it work? Is there one honest amorous
woman on this planet who does not want to hear it... need to
hear it... way down in her guts... some where down around
her g-spot... doesn't she really believe it... just for a
moment... even though she knows he just wants a piece of
ass... at that moment?

What exactly does she want... at that moment? Be honest
ladies!

I promise I'll get back to Rene on the river... maybe
tomorrow... maybe today... when I wake up.

To be continued:
Wednesday October 10, 2007 - 01:54pm

(Tina)
"You are very twisted, senor...but I like it. So what does that
say about me? Hmmm? Please continue"

(Karen M)
"Well, I see you've found something creative to fill your time
with.
That's a good thing...
I can't read it because anything hot and steamy just makes
me terribly frustrated, and I just hates that! I's ornery!"


(~~Sus…)
"This is real good, Stephen!
It just might set My puter on FIRE!!
Tell me more...."


(Sam)
"Ok the "slick" part was a little scary..."He wanted her more
than he'd ever wanted any woman... at that moment."
ROFLMAOOOO......go figure...sorry, *sits back to listen
to the rest of the story*"


(Heidie)
"Sam, ya stole the words out of My mouth "At that
moment"....typical male.I smiled when I read it....made me
remember some of My youth, and one man in particular that
said those very words..Want, is one of those things I rarely
give in to...It just brings heartache, and If ya love em..even
more...I never knew the word Love could hurt as much as it
does at times...Tis why I remain alone....easier. less painful.
The story's good...makes me long for someone to feel that
way about myself, but I know better..lol...ahh youth.




(Sam)
"He wanted her more than he'd ever wanted any woman... at
that moment." When you add "at that moment" it lost the
romance, the purity of their love, and instead became lustful
and erotic instead of hmmm fairy tale? it was just to damn
honest. A woman wants that pure love, and no at that
moment she doesn't want to think it's only to get in
her pants. She is still a little girl inside wanting to believe in
that fairy tale of her knight or prince. Who wants to be lied
to? If it's just a means to and end...say so. Oh wait, because
it doesnt sell? Then again maybe it's the difference in porn
and romance?"



(Marsha)
"Jumpin' Jehosephat, Amigo...I'm ready for that cold shower
now, lol. I'm the chronic romantic, Stephen...yes, I want to
hear it...yes, I need to hear it...them lyin' hussies out there
who try to deny that an orgasm between them and the man
they are madly in love with and who is madly in love with
them is the ultimate lifetime experience...well, they're
just lyin' hussies, lol. There just ain't no denying it...it's the
strongest drive in the universe...love, sex, love. You're a
passionate man who's not too chicken shit to let it show... :)
Okay, now get busy with the next scene...lol ~hugs~"


(Stephen)

notes on... "The Red Door"... and other stuff...

(My newest grandniece, Adrianna, in the pumpkin patch...
she's beautiful...and will not be allowed to read anything I
write for a long, long time...that goes for my granddaughter
Stephanie too... and thats a load off My mind... for now.

Photo by My youngest baby sister...Elaine...Adrianna's
grandmother... suddenly I'm feeling rather old.)


<<<note to Sam>>> my Alabama cowgirl friend

Sam, Baby... I do know exactly how you feel, and a lot
of how you think...you are an honest woman... I read your
blog. Not as often as I want, right now, been working on this
"reality romance" forever it seems. That's how I think of the
Red Door... and it pisses me off. Really!

It pisses me off because I sometimes feel so... inadequate
and stupid and helpless. I really don't know if I can do this.

It is not pron... but it is not a Cinderella story. It has to be gut
wrenching reality because that's what it was...IS!

Money is not important, it doesn't have to sell, and it's being
published as its written... so none of that worries me... what
really bothers me is simply this...

Am I going to finish this... or crash and burn... in My own
life/time twisted mind?

(flashback memory not in sync with the rest of RD story...in
fact... this happened before the river... I think)

(Robin)

"Why the hell do you have to analyze every damn thing!
Whats the frigging difference! Don't... just shut up! OK...for
once...just stop it! Why don't you analyze THESE?"

(Jerks up her tank-top, unhooks her front-hook bra and
exposes her breasts...of course they are very nice... her
eyebrows raised, her eyes wide with the
exaggerated, silliness of that question)

"Or this?"

(grabs the crotch of her too tight shorts like a
baseball catcher signaling the pitcher when the count is
three balls, two strikes...every idiot neanderthal knows what
that means)

"Or maybe even this!"

(Turns around and scratches her pretty ass while defiantly
walking off the field like a quarterback who has been sacked
for the third time in the last quarter of a loosing game...

He silently watches her go... analyzing everything... saying
nothing.)


<<<continue note to Sam>>>

Inside Rene there is a innocent little girl who still wants her
knight in shining armor to rescue her, love protect and
nurture her... forever and ever...AND... inside Rene is a
vicious, heartless, amazon who wants to castrate
that bastard as soon as SHE gets HER rocks off...

That is My dilemma... My shameless, hopeless, wonderful,
passionate struggle, within that reality...

because I have created Rene...literally and figuratively...
BUT... she is not completely fantasy... AND thats the scary
part.

As the Stephen King types would say...

"If this Rene bitch is a real woman, I would like to meet her...
in the daylight... first... of course."

Thanks Sam...keep telling me...exactly how you feel/ think. I
love it/you! LOVE:)

<<<note to Heidi>>>

Thanks Dear... I have been struggling with the Red Door
for a long time... in My mind. Actually for many years.

Only recently, My love/lust for Robin has inspired me to write
it... or attempt to write it. I warned her about this. More than
one woman has contributed to the creation of Rene.

Now that I am mostly retired again (no more horse ranch to
manage), maybe I can work it out, and get it down. Some
days I just stare at the PC and drift...thinking...remembering...
trying to decide what to write/not to write. It is so much easier
just to remember, and drift-dream, than it is to write.

Thank you for reading honey. I love you Heidi... I love all My
readers, of course... even those who I'll never know.
But, those who take the time to communicate their honest
thoughts and feelings, as you do, have a special place in My
heart and soul.
I even love those guys who think all this is kinda sappy.


My life is writing, at this moment, My readers are My lovers.
That may scare the crap out of some of them... it sure
the hell scares the crap out of me... sometimes... until I
remember...
"I ain't scared of nothing... except God... and some women."
AND
"I am a highwayman... and a peregrine... and the soul of
every sailor who ever went to sea." --- roughly
translated from "The Bridges of Madison County" by Waller.
He actually wrote it this way...
"I am the highway and a peregrine and all the sails that ever
went to sea."
I like the poetry of Waller's writing, especially in that
line... but I disagree with some of his thinking. So I wrote it
My way...as a humanist who actually believes in the ultimate
goodness of Man. I refuse to believe (as Waller seems
to) that the male genetic line which produced the "last of the
cowboys" is of necessity destined for extinction..."a dead end
evolutionary line". We are men, plain and simple - yet
complicated and dangerous.


(running out of space so I'll blog the rest of this...hope you
won't mind...thanks Sweetie...have a wonderful day...LOVE:)


All living creatures are intricately complicated and innately
dangerous... even a mindless virus.
However, we men are not technological tyrannosaurs Rex's
seeking to devour and destroy the pristine beauty of earthly
creation... a ridiculous concept to me... as a man.
We are men who love women and want women to love us.
Whatever else we are, this simple truth has always been, for
the majority of us men... reality. Think about that honestly.


I am not knocking Waller as an artist... I enjoy reading his
work... even though we fundamentally disagree on many
things.
Most men or not lousy lovers for most of their lives. Neither
are most women. Come on! If that were even remotely true...
how in the hell did we get six and a half billion people on this
planet?
We are naturally, normally, very damn good at this sex, love,
passion, romance stuff... the evidence is undeniable.

(now back to Rene on the river)

Suddenly she wanted to breath... but she could not breath...
she felt herself being plunged under water... held under
water... black, dark, cold, dangerous and deadly water.

She panicked... she struggled and fought with all her
strength... scratching, kicking, clawing, needing, aching,
wanting... desperately... to get back to the surface... to breath
again.

But he held her under for a long time... snatching her out only
at the very last minute... when he saw the bubbles, and felt
her start to give up. Then, and only then, did he quickly pull
her up and out of the water onto the sand bar.


He rolled her over onto her belly and held up her head as she
began to retch, convulsively, and puke on the sand.
After a time she stopped shaking and puking. She turned
around in his arms and looked up at him with wide, scared
and angry eyes... at that moment... she loved him more than
she had ever loved any man or woman... wanted him more
than she had ever wanted any man or woman......
but shesaid, in a weak, weary, rasping voice...


"You Goddamn bastard...who the fuck are you???  GOD!!!
I hate you... I really... fucking... hate you... you stupid
bastard."


He smiled at her...relieved...he knew she had been one
breath away from nothing...a millisecond away from absolute
oblivion. He could not... would not... let her go... Not now...
not ever!
Still smiling, he kissed her lips and tasted her sour puke-
putrid breath...


"I hate your guts too, Rene... and right now... at this frigging
moment of this frigging fucked-up eternity... I love you...only
you."


Then he wrapped the damp, horsey, sandy blanket around
her, lifted her up and carried her closer to the fire.

The night air was still August hot and humid. They sat
next to each other... still touching... still naked... siting
quietly... staring into the fire... thinking.


Thousands of incessant insects and hundreds of slimy
amphibians sang their ancient amorous songs beside the
black water, between the white sand banks, in the dark
subtropical forests, under the black velvet sky. The bright,
brilliant stars... so damn old and far away that they
don't even exist...anymore... sparkled above them...just out
of reach.


The horses heads were still down... slouching... sleeping...
oblivious to the seemingly futile... outrages human passion
play.


After a thousand silent moments... she stopped hugging her
knees, reached over and took his hand... holding it palm up,
tracing the rough, calloused lines... gently with her aching
finger tips.


She suddenly gasped in exasperation...

"Damn... I broke off two nails"

She checked her other hand...

"Damn it... five... five frigging broken nails...shit!"

He laughed...

"Shit yes I believe it... you broke them off in My back... and
neck... honey-bitch."

Saying that, he lifted up her hands... with her broken nails...
and laid down... on his back, in the cool sand... his head in
her naked lap... getting comfortable... snuggling down.


She absentmindedly began to twist and curl the hair on his
chest between her fingers... staring at the embers of the
small fire... watching the ghostly smoke spiraling, dancing...
silently... seductively... upwards into the velvety, blissful
blackness.

Ring! Ring! RING!

The frigging phone don't ring for days... but it always will...
when your right in the middle of some really good shit...
Looking at the caller ID...its her...(no not Rene...that's
impossible...I think) Its Robin...wonder want she wants?

"Hello honey-love...what-ya want? "

(Long pause...)

"Nothing... you ass-whole... been reading your blog... if you
say (write)...'at that moment'... just one more frigging time...
I'm gonna come over there and kick your ass!"

(Longer pause... I'm smiling)

"Did you hear that... Huh, Slick...... you there?"

(longer pause... smiling bigger)

"OK... sugar-babe... I hear you... come on down...
right now... at THIS damn moment!"

"Hell no... your crazy... you've lost your flipping mind... and
you don't seem to care who knows it... in fact, you seem to
enjoy flaunting your freaking insanity.......... besides... I can't
come over... not now... don't have time........are you
OK?....for real....tell me the truth...PLEASE...no lies..."

"Fine... busy... writing... love you....... latter."

(real...... long...... silence)

"Love you too... latter..."

(Click... busssss... crack... shit... dropped the damn phone...
grab it up...slam it into cradle... pulling up PC calender...first
time that sugar-honey-bitch has called in two weeks......oh
well...... back to work.)

To be continued:
Monday October 15, 2007 - 03:39pm  


(~~Sus…)
"SOOOOOOOOOO HOT!

I think there is a little "Rene" in all of us and I hope a little bit
of you in some of the guys out there!
I'll be waiting for more................"


(Marsha)
"Thin line between love and hate, huh? Give 'im hell, Robin,
lmao"


(Sam)
"Ummm ok yeah I think there is a thin line between love and
hate and I've been in some of those love/hate relationships
but I'd have to draw the line about now. Tried to drown me!!
Nope I'm afraid once I caught My breath he'd have to die!!
But if she walked away across the field how the heck
did they end up at the water and him drowning her?? I'm
confused and lost I guess."



(Welco…)
"Writers...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....the suspense is terrible...
damnit Robin why did you have to call right then??? Stephen
I'm lovin it so far...keep up the great work! Keep those words
rollin! JM"


(texas…)  "Adrianna is aborable!"


(Stephen)

Alone

"People are alone in this world. That's what is so dreadful.

'Is there a living man on the plain' cries the
Russian legendary hero.

I, too, echo the same cry, but no one answers.

They say the sun brings life to the universe. The sun will
rise - look at it. Isn't it dead?

Everything is dead. Dead men are everywhere.

There are only people in the world, and all around them is
silence - that's what the earth is!

'Men love one another!' - who said that? Whose
commandment is it?

The pendulum is ticking away unfeelingly, dismally.

Two o'clock in the morning. Her dear little boots stand by her
little bed, as though waiting for her.

... No, seriously, when they take her away tomorrow,
what's to become of me?"


From the last page of "A Gentle Creature... A
Fantastic Story" by Fyodor Dostoevsky.

I LOVE YOUS GUYS!
Friday August 31, 2007 - 07:54am


(LADY)
…  " THAT MUST BE A WONDERFUL BOOK, BUT NOT
WITH OUT PROTEST FROM ME.
TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER IS A COMMAND, IT DOES NOT
MEAN WITH OBEYED.
DOUBTING THAT THE SUN BRING LIFE TO
THE UNIVERSE AND LOOK AT YOU AREN'T YOU ALIVE?
THEY MAY TAKE HER AWAY TOMORROW BUT NOT
WITHOUT A FIGHT FROM ME. LOVE"


(Karen M)
"Hi Sweetheart!
It's fantastic to hear from you again.
Life. I figure it should be lived, and death not focused on
- but accepted as a part of life.
Love. I wish do do it - not because it is a command, but
because it is good."


(Sam)
"Lost faith and pity and anger...and such a cute butt on that
baby (horse) in the picture..."


(texas…)
"Good to see u up and writting again...been missed! Kathy:)"


(Stephen)

The Red Door... sonnet version

Tell me a story My love...
Life is rhythm and rhyme...
Death an endless illusion...
Your words My keeper in time...
My lover sweet... My shaman...
Tell me a story My love...
Light... your light... creation...
Darkest wells of your mind...
Waters of pure elation...
Where lioness' stalk the hind...
Tell me a story My love...
Sing your lust in My dreams...
Lay with me... o rapturous shore...
Open your red... rapacious door...


(word shifter...thought mixer...erratically insane dyspeptic
thinker...post modern humanist poet novelist)

NOW... back to Rene on the river.

If you remember, from the last two post about the Red Door,
Rene went from fantastic orgasm into near death
seizure. She flat lined... her heart stopped... she wasn't
breathing... they were way out in the woods... two miles from
the nearest hard road... thirty miles from the nearest
hospital... cell phones don't ever work out there... no damn
signal. If a life-flight helicopter could have located them, the
pilot would still have to land at least a mile away... in a cow
pasture... and that would be tricky... they were literally on
their own. Well maybe you don't remember all that... but now
you know.

At first, when she stopped moaning and groaning and
gasping breathless nasties... it felt godawful good... hitting it
hard...together. Both their bodies tensed and trembled
spasmodically... him throbbing in her... and her pulsating
round him... squeezing him rapaciously. After several
moments of rock-rigid, rapturous ecstasy, he collapsed in
utter exhaustion... his face against her neck... kissing her ear
tenderly... softly moaning her name... sobbing...slobbering...
big little boy tears... crying...over and over and over...Rene...
Rene...Rene...

But she did not relax... she had a violent convulsion... that
startled the shit out of him.

He rolled over quickly onto his knees beside her.

One glance at her face and he knew she was having
a terribly bad seizure. Her eyelids and lips were shut tight
and pinkish foam was oozing out of both corners of her
mouth. She was biting her tongue. Her arms and legs began
jerking violently, spasmodically. Her fists were clenched. She
started pounding the back of her head with tremendous force
upon the ground.
He counted the long agonizing seconds,
watching helplessly, waiting for the violent thrashing to end.

After sixty torturous eternal seconds, the convulsions
stopped. She froze... every muscle in her body unbelievably
tense and tight, her teeth still clinching her
bleeding tongue... she did not relax... she would not breath.

He remembered everything she had told him to do...just in
case... and he did everything... but nothing worked.

He touched her urgently all over, caressing her body,
massaging her rigid muscles. He talked to her as calmly as
he could... desperately trying to talk her down... to bring her
back... but she was drifting away... leaving him... alone...
tragically, desperately, fearfully... alone...

"Rene... sweetie I'm right here... breath honey... come on...
relax baby... oh My god... Rene... Rene...breath goddammit
breath... Jesus Christ... BREATH BITCH... DON'T FUCKING
DIE... BREATH... RENE! RENE! RENE!"

He stopped screaming and tried to open her mouth to begin
CPR... her jaws were locked tight... his fingers trembled on
her bloody lips... he quickly changed positions and tried to
stiff arm her abdomen... it didn't work... nothing worked.

A nauseating flash of fear went through him like an icy hot
sick stinging violent wind.

He snatched her up in his arms... screaming obscenities to
God... he ran for the black ancient waters of the river... to a
spring hole... where the waters are cool, deep and silent...
even in the long hot dog days and nights of hellish summer.

To be Continued:

Thursday October 18, 2007 - 01:55pm

(Marsha)
"Just got two words.....JUMPIN' JEHOSEPHAT!!!!!"


(LADY )
…  "i feel you pain My friend."


(Welco…)
"Dang...leaving us hanging again....to be continued!"


(Sam)
"Ummm and just when are you going to finish this
story??????"


(Stephen)

author thinking... writing... dreaming...

Dear Sam
I don't really know honey... when I'll finish this story. I have
been working on it in My mind for a long time.
Robin is still alive and well...as far as I know... she
never calls anymore... and I'm too damned stubborn (or
scared) to call her.
Rene, the woman in My mind, continues to haunt My dreams.
She wants to chain me to the mast of the Southern Witch...
and I'll probably let her...after all, the captain always goes
down with the ship... he has to face the beasty... or a least
that is what Captain Jack Sparrow told me.
Just between you and me, My redheaded cowgirl friend...
Rene really scares me shitless... sometimes... I am begining
to wonder who created who?
I'll keep working on it.
Right now, I got to put a new battery in the jeep. Going to
South Carolina to get the Medicine Horse. He will be able to
straiten me out on a lot of this stuff... He is ten times smarter
than I.
Latter!
LOVE:)


Sunday January 20, 2008. Old Plank Road, Jacksonville,
Florida.
Robin Dense
Stephen, Ben (robin's dad) Robin
Blessings of rain... front porch of
bunkhouse
Baby Sam, Patchie (Momma) in
manger, Twiggy, and Medicine Horse
Smiling, singing cowgirl... bunkhouse
SunShine DixieLand Ranch... before
the crash.
Robin, Jessie, Becki... killer, white
dog... front porch bunkhouse. Black
SUV that robin totaled on county road
121.
Medicine Horse, Stephen, Sam... front
pasture...SSD Ranch.
Medicine Horse and daughter, Sam.
Pasture flower... purple weed...for
Robin.
Stephen and dogs... Chewy, Kuma, Cowboy.
Hay man...even the captain has to
work...sometimes.
(my newest grandniece, Adrianna, in
the pumpkin patch...
Turning out... Twiggy and Little Big
Medicine.... photo by Sylvia Rose
New potatos from ranch garden...
Sylvia's hand.
Home>
Part One;
New ranch hand...
Rodin's Illness, seizures...
Robin wrecks SUV...
Stephen creates Rene...
Rene haunts Stephen...
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Company 2011